.....it’s been a very long time no see. Theres bin a lot going on in my life so I would like to apologise now for not being here. So how is every one doing????
Well me and my boyfriend broke up yesterday so I thought it was finally time to come back to the world of blog to console myself. The last 3 weeks have been hell for me, and it put a very big strain on our relationship because we had only just begun.
First my sister was rushed to hospital because ever since her baby was born she has not been feeling well. She don’t eat, she don’t sleep and most of the time she just sits at home staring into space waiting for the babies feed, I have to admit thou that she is still a very good mother to her children. Well the doctors said she was dehydrated and needed lots of rest and time away from the children, so I had to rush all the way to Manchester to see her, and lucky me volunteered to look after the children untill she gets better, so that her husband has time to wait on her hand and foot.
But I couldn’t cope so I was always asking for help from my boyfriend- the first strain on our relationship. If it wasn’t to do with the children then I never saw him- the second strain on our relationship. Finally my mother and father cam back from Dubai on the soonest flight they could get since hearing the news. They promptly came the next day after visiting my sister to pick up the children, leaving able to return to my old life.
Then two days later I was at work after my 5 days off (loving my job, pays great and ive got a whole new wardrobe, hoping for a promotion soon), I was thinking about the night to come with my boyfriend, (a very romantic one indeed), and I got a call.
I had to rush from Birmingham to London hospital were my granddad was rushed to hospital, stuck in 2 and a ½ hours of traffic I arrived at the hospital just in time to say goodbye. And at 5.36pm my granddad finally passed away after 11 years of battling cancer. The of the week on the run up to the funeral as you can imagine was a very upsetting, sad and depressing time. I just wanted someone to lean on and here me cry. My family could not deal with my pain, they had there own. My friends did what they could, but to me it was not enough. And my BOYFRIEND popped round once to give me a bar of chocolate, witch when he left 10 minutes later because he didn’t care about my pain, I threw it out of the window hoping it would land on his head.
He did ring me an hour later to see how I was, protesting that the chocolate bar NEARLY landed on his head, and every word he said all I was thinking was why didn’t it!!!!!!! But obviously he talked me round to forgiving him.
The funeral was the day before Valentines Day, every thing was beautiful a real shrine towards his memory. All of his family were there, even people he hadn’t spoke to for years hoping to make things right, we were very glad of this. Luckily I persuaded my boyfriend to cope but he kept his distance and drank when ever possible, so I told him to leave, but we left it on a good note.
The next day was my final day of not having to work, (my boss gave me 9 days off of work). The next day was also valentines day, so as my grandma wanted and as my granddad would of wanted I decided to enjoy the day, finally to have something positive happen.
My boyfriend came round early in the mourning also having the day of to so that we could bond after the 2 weeks of pain. I had him a card and a diesel t-shirt, he got me a card, a big box of chocolates, a giant teddy bear and an all saints belt. I was still in bed so he made me breakfast in bed, (and obviously made some for himself so he could relax and join me in bed). We relaxed and sat talking for 2 hours, then he said I had to get up and dressed because he had an amazing day planned for me. He said I should wear something casual and pack something fancy in a case with over night clothes, I was now very anxious to find out were we were going. We drove for 40 minutes to get just outside of Birmingham, to this very nice country like cottage. It was beautiful surrounded by trees and a big lake at the back. He said he’s dad brought it when he was 5 and they had summers here all the time, but hardly any one used it any more. Well we had a picnic then we just laughed and messed about like some one who is very much in love. We had a great day. Then when it started to get dark I changed and we went for a romantic meal at this restaurant in the nearest town, it was very busy but he had booked a private table in the back away from every one else. Halfway through the meal he got down on one knee and I was so shocked (I thought he was going to propose) but he gave me this beautiful solid gold necklace with a beautiful heart shaped diamond on the end, (I would of said no to the proposal but he said he tripped on the floor as e went to hand me the necklace).
After our meal we left, went back to the cottage, and then you know what happens next when you’re in love, theres sweet smelling candles about and theres a very comfy bed in the next room.
The next few days were normal, back to work, seeing my boyfriend at night and also still trying to get over the pain of loosing my granddad, (but even when im happy im still thinking of him).
But yesterday was my day off work, (I don’t work Sundays or Mondays), so at 3pm when my boyfriend got off work I went over to see him, we hadn’t had sex since Valentines Day so we were both very horny. As soon as we saw each other we were
ripping each others clothes off, we ended up in the bedroom fully naked but not yet having full sex. When he got up walked over to his cupboard and pulled out a video camera and he said lets make a home video. I was very surprised by this, but I trusted him and I loved a bit of fun. He left the camera on the table and said he was going to get whipped cream. I thought maybe ill record him, so I picked up the camera trying to work out how to work it when I accidentally pressed play to watch the previous film recorded. It was another woman who he had recorded, they were having FULL SEX and the date and time said it was recorded the day of my granddads funeral after I sent him home.
He came back into the room all happy and care free with the whipped cream, he stopped suddenly seeing I was watching he’s previous film, I slapped him around the face, smashed the camera off the wall, grabbed my clothes and ran out of there as fast as possible. He didn’t try to explain or come after me, he was just shocked that I had found out he’s secret. As soon as I got home, just incase he didn’t get the message I text him saying it was over, there was no reply back and I was very glad.
The feeling of hurt and betrayal was not very good, but I realised I was happy to be single.
Now that I have no one to lean on im relying on you bloggers to prove to me that sharing all of my private problems was the right thing to do. I just need help to get over everything.
Love me xxxxxx
